found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
