i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I faked an abortion last night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
