Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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