I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
