She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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