i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
