Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
