Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
