I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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