Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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