brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
