I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
