i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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