This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
