9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
