bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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