I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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