in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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