i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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