I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
