we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
