Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
