"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
organizing the empties. That sober.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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