its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
