I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
