Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
