she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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