More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize