I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
