She said her name was "party"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
