Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
