I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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