2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
