I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
