You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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