I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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