my phone needs a breathalizer
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
