I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
