My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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