I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
