I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
