your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
