i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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