He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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