I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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