yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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