hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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