they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
