I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
