Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
