Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
