you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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