dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
