How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
