Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
