remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
