Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
