how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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