went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
