the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize