Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize