Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
