I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize