We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
