i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize