when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
