I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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