Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I die, sorry about rent.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
