Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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