I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
